basement cat reports: notes from underground

basement cat is branching out on his own. going solo you might say. he's started a new one-man column: basement cat reports: notes from underground. let's get one thing straight. it's not a blog. basement cat doesn't believe in blogs. he writes a column.
the bite from the basement: premiership week sixteen sacking
poor newcastle. they took a dive. and didn't bother to get back up. like my friend from munich. i always wondered what happened to this guy. oh, yeah, this was the morning after the first weekend of oktoberfest. what a party.
the bite from the basement: we're back and it's week sixeteen already
my deepest apologies and regrets for such a long absence. the staircase restoration proved to be much more daunting than even burnley f.c.'s challenge to rise, rise! to the top. but now we are (re)finished. and they're spectacular. before and after photos will arrive shortly.

and speaking of before and after, burnley put a hurt on southampton this morning with a glorious 1-nil win. we're drinking early today in celebration, but as neighbor keith said, "it's five o clock in london town". so cherrio and hats of to the boys from burnley.

and it's not looking good right now for newcastle v arsenal. too bad magpie fans. and one fan in particular. burnley's primed to eat your lunch next time out.

all that being said, i'm glad to be back. and with winter's icy grip staring to tighten, i've got lots of time to get back to the typewriter.

basement cat

the bite from the basement: burnley f.c. solidly out of the basement
nil - nil. and nil - nil again. the burnley f.c. defense is an impenetrable wall of terror, turning aside shot after shot after shot. week five and the march to top starts here. no one said it was going to be easy. just one hard fought, vanquished enemy at a time. newcastle is down and out.

next up - west bromwich albion. well, we're gonna make a bromwich sandwich out of that little chirping canary of a logo they got.

cellar picks: burnley f.c. 4, west bromwich sandwich nil
the bite from the basement: week 3 recap and week 4 premonitions
basement cat marc poljak photography pittsburgh pa
5, september 2014
burnley nil, manchester (un)united nil. we'll take it for no other reason than it puts us solidly in the basement. and you know how we like a basement.

as the official cellar dwellers, for the time being mind you, we feel that burnley f.c. has assumed their rightful place atop the premiership. how could this be, you ask? well, given that we believe the basement is the best place to be, it logically follows that burnley is now right where we want them to be. perched at the top of the standings with nowhere to go but up.

and speaking of perches, next up: crystal palace. cats like birds. cats like to eat birds. and even better, cats like to play with birds until they're dead. and so will burnley unto that screaming pigeon logo of the palace. people in crystal palaces shouldn't throw footballs.

cellar picks: burnley f.c. 3, crystal(shit) palace 1

see you in a couple of weeks. the bite from the basement and notes from underground are on hiatus while my favorite staircase undergoes a restoration of epic proportion.

the bite from the basement: burnley f.c. v manchester united
28, august 2014
well, it's 0-2 so far but hope springs eternal. and with my trusty new crystal ball, all things are becoming clear. i see great excitement for burnley f.c. this week. the boys from old trafford are making a trip to turf moor for what will, no doubt, be a stomping of them into the turf. wayne rooney, this bite's for you!

burnley f.c. 1, manchester (un)united nil!
the bite from the basement: burnley f.c. v swansea
well, as best we could have hoped for against a chelsea squad. not a bad showing at all. an initial shocker or a goal and then the cruel slap of reality against the back of the head. at least they're not as bad as newcastle right now.

next up, swansea. sounds easier than it will be. swansea have a stupid logo so we really just don't like them because of that. poor graphic design. uninspired tripe.

cellar picks: burnley 2, swansea 1

basement cat roger gives swansea the two finger (claw) salute. photo credit: aek enterprises, ltd.
the bite from the basement: burnley f.c. v chelsea
18, august, 2014
good things begin in the basement. and so, on this eve of the first match up of the season a few notes from underground. hold on to your clarets...

burnley's sporting an all english squad. i can feel a resurgence of the pax britannica about to descend on the premiership. join, or die as the saying goes.

cellar picks: burnley 1, chelsea 1
notes from underground: #1
this is the inaugural edition of notes from underground, what will be a semi-regular feature here. to kick things off,  i've been sequestered into basement world for a non-stop three day weekend while the stooges upstairs parade around somewhere out east. a good thing too. they've had me upstairs a little too much lately. the lights and sounds are a bit much for my liking. i prefer the damp recesses of my own mind, and corner of the basement.
the bite from the basement: barclay's premier league preview
basement cat reports marc poljak photography pittsburgh pa
8, august, 2014
this year, i'm following burnley f.c. in the premiership. i've no doubt they will march from the cellar to the top of the premiership in no time. to help them along on their quest for glory, i've dubbed burnley f.c. "the bite from the basement". so much for suarez and his flaccid jaws. the spaniards can have him. it's burnley f.c. or bust. stay tuned for weekly dispatches from the basement on all things burnley.
notes from underground: with apologies to neii young
i caught you knockin at my kitchen door
i love you baby, can i have some more
ooh, ooh, the coffee's gone

i hit the city and i lost my mug
i watched the sanka take another man
gone, gone the coffee's gone

i sing this song because i love the bean
i know that some of you don't understand
milk, sugar, to keep from tasting bitter

i've seen the coffee and the damage done
a little pot of it for everyone
but every starbuck's like a setting sun
notes from underground: the right column
10 question for attic cat - part two

ok, so a lot of what you just said raises a number of follow up questions. i hope you have some additional time to stick around at the end of this to indulge me.

sure, sure. it's your nickel.

do you have a favorite song, or musician, or band, or composer?

that's like four questions in one,. i only signed up for 10. oh sod it. we're already in this deep. hope you know what you've bargained for.

favorite song: paint it black
favorite musician: frank black
band: black sabbath, but before all that ronnie james dio crap show
composer: frank zappa

that's, in itself is a bunch of crap.  you don't take much in this world seriously, do you?

i see a grey cat and i want him painted black
no colors anymore i want him to turn black
i see the cats walk by dressed in their winter coats
i have to turn my head until my darkness goes

so i guess that answers the question. zappa?! really?

if you have to ask...

part three of the attic cat interview will be published next week.
notes from underground: the right column
10 questions for attic cat

thanks for popping down to the basement for this interview. its been a while since we've had a chance to really talk in depth. i know a lot of readers want to know what makes the attic cat tick. you rarely give interviews and your aloofness, i think intrigues people.

is that supposed to be a question? i don't set out to intrigue or inspire mystery. i keep to myself, i read my books, keep a low profile. celebrity doesn't interest me. you should have more lights on down here.

ok, so books, then. we know you're a voracious reader. what's open on the shelves these days?

for starters, eric schlosser's command and control. frightening stuff. and comical. reading this book and the history of misadventure with nuclear weapons, it's very clear why stanley kubrick decided to do dr. strangelove as a black comedy. and it's positively shocking we all haven't been blown to hell already. pretty funny when you think about it.

funny? you find the threat of global nuclear war to be a laughing matter?

yes. it's quite a rib tickler. next question?

any other favorite reads?

i don't like when people use that word as a noun. next question.

burnley f.c. or chelsea f.c. in their opening match?

chelsea 3 -nil. stupid question.

pet peeves?

basements. doorbells. stupid questions.

we know you're a bit of a film buff. taking in matinees of late?

no. new movies bore me. no one is making anything these days with any kind of soul or depth. it's all a bunch of over produced, over budgeted schlock. i did see that lauren bacall died the other day. that's sad.

part two of the attic cat interview will be published next week.
notes from underground: the right column

part three, and the final part of the 10 questions for attic cat interview

editors note: parts one and two have moved from the right column to the bottom of the page in reverse chronological order. just hold them up upside down and read them in a 45 degree mirror and all will be right in the world.

okay, you win. by the way, have you ever seen that dick cavett interview with norman mailer and gore vidal. i can only guess that you have.

heh. funny you should bring that up. i was just rereading mailer's why are we in vietnam? the other week. i've always liked that one. a bit of a rip off from a style perspective of burroughs, but entertaining nonetheless. some great parts scattered about. i give it a b-minus. sorry norman, but i think your ego can handle it.

i understand you fancy yourself a bit of a chef, a gourmand you might say, a dabbler in the culinary arts?

do you write these questions yourself?

how about just answering the question for a change. you probably have some go-to dishes that you've perfected over the years. things that the people just can't get enough of.

<audible heavy sigh>
i suppose people like my lasagna.

you know who really likes lasagna?

<audible heavy sigh number two>
yes, i'm sure i do. are we done here?

yes, i think we can wrap it up. any last thoughts?

yep. burnley f.c. is a bunch of sodding pansies.